What happens when you try really hard yet your results don't seem to justify your efforts?

Yea, it hurts. Others can score better. Others can criticize you. Others can offer to help. Others can just watch you, not daring to say anything about it.

Yet sometimes, they just don't know what's going on in your life. They don't know whatever troubles you may have. And it's not their fault.

It may be something bugging you, which you won't even bother telling others coz u know they'll just shrug it off. It may be a family problem. It may be anything; you're just helpless to tell others coz you know they can't help and you don't want to bug them with your problems.

Or, it might just be that annoying pain in your head which refuses to go away and intensifies when you're really trying to do something useful like study. Talk about devils and demons in your head. Utterly annoying but hopefully not incurable.

Whatever it is, I guess we can only hang on and continue to do our best. C'est la vie, they'd say.

It called out to me

Beckoned, awaiting

White rays embraced lovingly

Gently caressing, reunited

I strolled slowly, tearfully

Savouring the warmth

For ages I have awaited

Reunited with The White Rod of Bliss!

But

Venomous mists, jealous

Clutching, snatching at me

In vain I evade

And yet, no escape

Whirlpools swirl in my mind

And gleefully, they succeed

Relentless, merciless

Corrupting my flesh

As my insides burned with searing pain

This giant crushed me externally

Gentle, subtle, yet brutal

Actions betraying his soft voice

Fearful eyes from far away

Gasps and sighs resonate

Fears will only rest at my death

For my pain is for their gain

And then, I fall

Deep into the darkness

Ironic, for just moments ago

I bathed in white light

A final stumble

Wings limp, yet I fly

And then, forever gone

The end.

After wat seems like ages, akhirnya I muster d energy 2 type sumtin here la. Lazy betul. Exams reli sapping my energy, especially ASM. Can't wait 2 finish it & lay my hands on my beloved Microecons textbook. Macam baca buku cerita.

Here's my prediction: I doubt dat I'll manage 2 score a B or even higher for my ASM. So, I'll prolly hv 2 repeat it 4 d sake of dat VEE thingy. Nvm la. Jz try my best. I jz hope I dun bcome a zombie permanently (yea, I'm alredi experiencing it now) dus 2 dis sub. Super annoying la wei. It's nt dat I totally dun get it, it's jz....I'm nt interested. Sorta hate it actually. Prolly cz I dun c any fun or meaning in it. Mayb cz I despise d lecture sessions. Mayb cz of d large claz. Mayb......we're jz nt meant 4 each other =p

Anyway, dat's nt stopping me frm going on. Fight jela, ya?

Oh, ya, if I nid a break or a laugh frm all these stress, thr's always a nice giant in d hse wif his antics. Sorta fresh 2 hv a guy in d hse, dah 2 biasa surrounded by 4 girls all d time. Well, especially a guy hu has no qualms abt squealing like a *****, hitting girls, causing my wife 2 kena miscarriage twice, and last bt no least, imitating d dance moves in Bo Peep Bo Peep (T-ara). Dat last one has definitely got 2 b captured on video one day. Epic.

Random Writings

Well, nothing much to ramble, bitch, whine, or crap here. Probably cz d timing's weird. Malam2/pagi2 cam ni sibuk nak taip....

I know I'm brash when I bash sometimes

My harsh words can be too much

Yet my aim isn't to maim everyone

Usually, there are only a few lonely souls

These people are the incomparable ones

They don't belong anywhere among us

It can be anything, all it takes is a blink

For these flies to spin their webs of lies

Sadly I can't conjure a useful cure

Killing this cyst, this horrible disease

For they alone can choose to atone

As their own harm lies in their palm

My interference is of dismal influence

So I shall observe and hope to preserve

What little knowledge I manage to gain

To prevent my own descend

Into the depths of which I might misstep

For I want for this to be undone

The pages replaced, faults erased

But alas! Time has passed!

You are impeached, my trust breached

I doubt any readers will grasp my acrimony

But I guess these are all just countless tests

Tough lessons showing me prevarications

Teaching me to strive for my own precious life.

I seriously dunno wat I've jz typed. Memang psycho. Kononnya rhyme tapi tak rhyme. Rangkap pun tak sekata. Ayat pun entah apa. I'd reli like 2 c whether any1 actually notices the hidden stuff, d wordplay, well....the basic meanings of the "thing" I've jz wrote above. C'est la vie....au revoir~

Liars.

Hypocrite.

U kno hu u all are. Even if I don't now, I'll eventually find out. I'm watching. And so are my other clazmates hu refuse to join u in yr filthy activities.

Yea...sure....in case u're saying "Macamla u x pernah buat!": I'm no angel. I've cheated before. But I will never ever make it a habit. I'll never enter an exam hall wif cheating as my main objective. I'll nvr go ard planning hu 2 copy frm, strategic seats, etc. Even if I feel terrible & helpless cz I didn't study evrything, I'll still try to answer as much as I cn on my own abilities. I'll leave questions unanswered. And whn my results come out, no matter hw low dey are, I'll b proud, knowing dat dey're mine!

Oh, ya, to those "saints" helping these "people in need", u all pun sama2 asshole la. Instead of helping ppl, u're jz making these ppl worse. U're jz making dem more dependant, helpless, and corrupted. Yea, sure, tossing answers @ ppl is so much easier than helping dem 2 gradually understand & learn d subject, bt dat's nt goin 2 help dem. Babi u.

Here's d thing: I trust ppl easily. When my trust is lost d 1st time, it'll be hard 4 u 2 earn it bak frm me, bt it's possible. Lose it a few more times & u'll get an enemy u'll regret 2 get. Jangan harap nak pujuk me bak wif yr sweet words. I'll make Blair Waldorf look like an amateur.

Eh wait....one last pot shot aimed @ some "innocent" hypocrites.....dun try 2 trick me, acting innocent. I hv proof. I hate it whn ppl buat2 like dey're nt involved, siap kutuk2 lagi orang lain, bt doin it "out of my sight". Ppl will find out abt u, including me too eventually. Lagi saya geram kat hipokrit cam ni. Siap la u dat time.

It hurts me. I hate seeing my frenz feeling down cz dey got low marks, watching some atrocious ppl smile as dey score higher marks. It used to hurt me too, bt hey, I reminded myself wat a nice, honest, and cute person I am. So, 2 those frenz hu feel bad dat dey scored low though dey've poured in their own efforts, be proud. U cn take comfort in d fact dat those hard-earned marks are yr own. Remind yrself dat semua cursed ppl ini will end up lifeless, useless, hopeless, and lots of other "less"-es. If their genitals aren't cursed to infertility by me, dey'll hv kids hu will b super ugly, smelly, stupid, and (insert negative adjectives). Same goes to their grandchildren, great grandchildren, future generations.

Be strong. Be proud. Be honest. U'll get thru some day. Jz hang in there. For dat true act in itself, thank you from d bottom of my heart.

Nak? Or tak nak?

Seriously, these few days have been killing me. Tests. Assignments lagi.

Whn I stare @ d question papers, I get d super itchy feeling 2 peek @ another person's answers or jz ask dem whether I cn copy theirs jz 2 save my ass.

Bt then, is it worth it? Wat's d point of doin dat? Well....an occasional joking-ish "Wat answer u got ah?" is fine by my standards, bt hw far is "far" to d point of overdoing perbuatan meniru?

Sy rs telinga sy ni memang tmpt favourite setan2 duk bisik2 & hasut2. Lantak ler. Bengong punya "cadangan", mintak sy wat benda2 cam tu. Patut pun Eno, C.E.O, Ain benci u all.

I guess I'd rather look @ my almost-halfway-there-but-still-terrible marks, & give a big smile, knowing dat I'm satisfied cz it's my own efforts. I do love some of d subjects; my recent plummet in results is probably jz a test frm God 2 c hw long I cn hang in thr.

I bet Mr. Lim was pretty confused 2day, tinking of d moment he gave me bak my AM test paper & I gave him bak an excited smile while seeing my low marks. At least I kno deserved my efforts ^_^